Irrelevant
by darkaccalia520
Summary: A between seasons one and two story. Kristin is forced to make a life-altering decision. Teaser fic for a future WIP of mine. *COMPLETE*


**A/N: This is what happens when I write while listening to music. I was working on the next chapter for Justice when this little idea hit me like a ton of bricks (because music is always a writing inspiration for me), and I have to write it before it flies away. It might be a bit mean of me, but this is a bit of a teaser fic for an upcoming story entitled A Familiar Taste Of Poison. Unfortunately, it'll be a little while before that one gets posted since I promised myself and you that I wouldn't post it until other stories already posted are complete. So this will have to tide you over until then.**

**A bit of setup is that it's one of those in-between seasons one and and two stories. The rest should be self-explanatory.**

****Disclaimer: SeaQuest DSV and its characters are not my creation. They are the creation of Rockne S. O'Bannon as a 1990's television series. This work of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only and is not for financial gain. I am just borrowing the characters for a bit and promise to return them unharmed and in their original condition, maybe just a bit happier.** **

**Irrelevant**

It hadn't happened all at once like she thought it might have. It wasn't the abrupt crumble beneath her feet like the last time. Had she but known just a few months before what would happen, she'd have screamed, she'd have fought, she'd have done something, _anything_, to breathe life back into her marriage. Unfortunately, the sad fact of the matter was she'd had no idea it was happening.

_Or you were just too blind to admit it, _she thought bitterly as her eyes filled with tears.

"Don't!" she scolded herself, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Kristin. You _tried, _which is more than you can say for _him." _Her eyes darted to the photograph on the wall of the two of them wrapped in each other's arms, smiling and very much in love. Those were happier times, but that seemed so long ago now.

They'd gotten married on a feverish whim just ten months before. They'd thought it had been the worst day of their lives, the day they'd lost the _seaQuest._..and the day she'd nearly lost him. That night, however, after the chaos, they'd had a heart to heart talk on the beach in the moonlight and both admitted they couldn't bear to lose one another. It had been a mutual decision.

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_No, perhaps it wasn't the most romantic of proposals when he said, "We should just get married," in casual tones._

"_All right," came her immediate reply._

_He turned to look at her, raising a brow. "You...you're serious? You mean right now?"_

_She shrugged. "Why not? You just said-"_

"_I...I know what I said, but...don't you women like to plan things...flowers, bridesmaid dresses, cake...the whole shebang?" _

"_I already had a wedding like that, and we both know how **well** that went." She shook her head. "If we're going to do it, I say we just go for it. I don't need flowers and all that. I just want you." She turned away from him then. "Unless you've suddenly changed your mind..."_

_He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Of course not! I...I've never been so sure of anything...or **anyone**...in my life."_

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They'd found an all-night chapel and the rest was history, so to speak. Married life had treated them well for the first few months. That had been before obligations got in the way. They'd stolen away to Nathan's island, and life was pure bliss until the day Bill Noyce called. The UEO brass had wanted the plans for the second _seaQuest_ yesterday. Reality had come knocking.

That meant they'd had to live in New Cape Quest for a while as the new _seaQuest_ was being built. Well, Kristin didn't _have_ to. She certainly could have stayed on the island, but she wasn't keen on a long-distance marriage. Naturally, she'd gone back to being a doctor, working at the New Cape Quest hospital.

The move hadn't really disrupted their bliss. Really, it had been difficult to pinpoint the exact moment when the slow burn of destruction began, but looking back on it all now, it was the little things. She'd noticed an occasional distracted look in his eye at dinner, the few they'd been allowed to have anyway. Most nights, he'd worked late and never bothered to come home until well after midnight.

Still, she'd done her best not to complain. She'd taken her vows very seriously, and she'd made Nathan a promise that she'd never make him choose between her and the _seaQuest_. Of course, she believed in his dream and supported it wholeheartedly. But when they'd gotten a chance to have dinner together, the least she expected was for him to listen to what she had to say...and she'd wanted the focus to be on the two of them rather than a boat that wasn't even near being finished yet. She really couldn't remember how many times it happened before, but she did remember when she started noticing it. About six months ago...

_She was called in at three in the morning to help in the ER because a respiratory virus caused some of the medical personnel to stay home. The other doctors were short-staffed and on-edge because of it, so Kristin couldn't possibly say no. She quickly pushed herself out of bed, got dressed, woke Nathan and told him what was going on, gave him a kiss goodbye, and she was on her way._

_Thankfully, it had been a rather slow day as far as emergencies go. There were a few cases, but nothing life-threatening, so that was a relief. With just a few hours left to the day, the only thing Kristin could think about was the fact that it was Nathan's night off., and they'd get to spend some much-needed alone time together._

_That's when a paramedics team rushed in with a tiny body on a stretcher. A two-year-old girl had been hit by a car, and her parents were frantic. That's when her doctor mode took over, and nothing else mattered but saving that child._

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Whether it had been her doctoring skills or divine intervention, she couldn't be sure, but that little girl didn't die that day. She couldn't wait to get home and tell Nathan all about it.

"_...it was touch and go for a while. I...I don't know what I would have done if I'd have lost her." She stared across the table at Nathan and couldn't help but notice his eyes were fixed on something across the room. She followed his gaze and saw his eyes fixed on the blueprints for the new boat. "You're not even listening to me, are you?"_

_His eyes darted back to her. "I'm sorry, what?"_

"_Exactly my point." She got up and brought her barely-eaten plate of seafood pasta to the kitchen. She heard Nathan's footsteps follow her._

"_What's the matter? You're not hungry anymore?"_

_She let out a groan. "It...it's not that at all. It's just we have so little time together that-"_

"_You knew what you were getting into when we started," he countered._

_She held up a hand. "You didn't let me finish." She cleared her throat. "Now as I was saying, we have so little time together, and yes, I know full well what I was getting into, and I've never once complained. I've promised to be supportive and I have been, haven't I?"_

"_Certainly."_

"_Good, but when we do have time alone, is it too much to ask that you keep **her **out of it?" She motioned to the blueprints. "Can you go for one moment without thinking about that bloody boat?"_

"_Now wait just a damned minute! That bloody boat is the most important thing in my life, and-" He stopped short, realizing what he'd said. "I meant one," he said, softening. "It's **one** of the most important things in my life."_

"_Oh, really? Then what was I talking about before?"_

"_Uh..."_

"_And what did we talk about just yesterday morning?"_

"_Um..."_

_She sighed. "I want to believe that boat isn't more important than I am, but when you say one thing and do the exact opposite...it's a little difficult to trust you." She moved to place a gentle hand on his cheek. "I know it's been a long day for both of us, and I don't want to fight with you. But I've been feeling a bit neglected. Can't you understand that?"_

_He'd placed his hand over hers and nodded. "Of course I can. I...I'm sorry I've made you feel that way. You know I'd never, ever want to hurt you. I love you more than life itself...and definitely more than that bloody boat."_

_She laughed softly as he moved to kiss her. "And I, you."_

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Nathan had made a point to be more attentive, but only for a short while. The UEO and that damn boat became more and more needy. Bill had had him at his beck and call by order of the brass. Still, she'd tried to keep calm about it all. This build was only temporary and wouldn't last forever. Once the _seaQuest_ was built, things would return to normal... It wasn't until a few weeks earlier she'd come to the realization she was only kidding herself.

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"_Do you have any plans for Saturday night?" Nathan asked her at dinner._

_She shook her head. "No, and I'm not on call that night either." She paused. "Why? Do you have something up your sleeve?" she drolled._

_He smiled softly. "Not the way you're thinking...but the UEO's having a benefit ball for the build, and of course, I have to attend."_

_She rolled her eyes. "So you want to drag me to a lobby for funds masked as a party?"_

_He frowned. "The way you say it sucks all the fun out of it. Look, I know you were hoping I'd suggest I whisk you away to Paris or somewhere-"_

"_I **don't **expect that. I'd be happy anywhere, even if we just stayed home. I...I just want you, Nathan. I feel...I feel like we've been married for years and we're still trying to rekindle what little romance we have left. We...we haven't even been married a year. Even Charles and I didn't start having trouble until we'd been married for a few years." _

"_I...I'm sorry things aren't exactly what you'd hoped. Tell you what, you go to this ball with me, and I'll make it worth your while." He moved to her side of the table and held out his hand. "How does that sound, Mrs. Bridger?"_

"_Hmm, I'm not sure," she teased. "I might need a bit more coaxing. Perhaps some details would help?" She batted her eyelashes at him._

_He smiled and brought his lips to her ear, whispering his plans for after the party. Then he proceeded to nibble on her earlobe seductively._

_She gasped and gave a nod. "I...I think you have a deal, but if you keep that up, I won't be able to wait until Saturday."_

"_Who says we can't have a practice session?" he asked, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom._

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By the time Saturday had rolled around, however, it became a very different story. The moment they'd entered the banquet hall, she and Nathan quickly became separated. Bill had whisked him away to meet potential investors, and although she and Janet Noyce were good friends, Janet had been out of town that weekend visiting her sister.

Therefore, Kristin had been left to mingle with the other wives of officers and businessmen she didn't know at all. And while she'd tried to make small talk, her efforts were rather futile, since no one had seemed very interested in what she had to say. So she had resorted to standing in the back of the room watching the others talk, laugh, and have a good time.

When dinner had been announced, she was relieved, knowing that she'd finally be able to have a good time with her husband. Only that had been far from what had happened. Bill had arranged for the potential investors to sit right beside them, and the entire dinner conversation revolved around money and that bloody boat again.

She'd already assumed their plans for after the party were left by the wayside when Nathan leaned over and whispered the first words he'd said to her since before they'd arrived.

"_I'm sorry, but I'll have to take a rain check on the afterwards."_

Although tears had stung her eyes, she'd offered him a weak smile and nodded. _"I understand."_

What Nathan didn't know is that she'd understood more now than ever that she was an outsider in his world. She'd been a temporary plaything, a distraction for him while on his island. But back in the real world, she'd never been a participant in his life. She was merely a bystander. It was at that moment that she'd realized that nothing was ever going to change unless she made it happen. And that's when she'd made the difficult decision. She'd just been waiting for the right moment to go through with it.

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It took her a few weeks to muster up the courage, but somehow, she decided today was the day. She'd put her notice in at the hospital weeks before and spent the morning packing all her belongings. She left her ring on the pillow right where it wouldn't be missed. Then she sat down and wrote him a letter.

_Dear Nathan,_

_This may come as quite a shock to you, but I can't stay here any longer. I think it's evident I'm irrelevant in your eyes. You can tell me until you're blue in the face it isn't true, but you should know by now that actions speak louder than words. _

_You've been too busy burning bridges while I've been trying to keep the home fires alive, only you're not an active participant. I don't blame you for it completely, but no one's been holding a gun to your head. You know full well you can take a night off. You could say the word, and Bill would say okay. You never had trouble telling him no before. But the truth of the matter is that you're bending to the whims of another, and her name is **seaQuest**. And I've decided I can't be pushed aside any longer. I keep asking myself how much longer I'll need to pretend to be second string to that...thing, and do you know the answer I've finally come up with? That it will never change. I think the fact remains you don't really know who I am. Your heart left me a long time ago, and you've given it away to her. _

_Oh, you'll be fine without me. I see that now. You've been fine on your own for a long time; you don't need me at all. You've gained a great deal of excellence over the past year, and you should be very proud of yourself. But I need to remember I used to be excellent too. I...I need to embrace that again. Don't worry, I doubt you'll even notice that I'm gone. Please know you'll always be in my heart, even if I'm not in yours._

_Love,_

_Kristin_

She left the letter on the kitchen counter where she knew he'd find it. Then she picked up her bags and walked out the door.

**A/N: Complete for now, but to be continued...**


End file.
